Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize