my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
