Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry about my life...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
