come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
