Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
