Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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