yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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