the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize