you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
50% drunk capacity currently
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
