my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My liver just had a heart attack.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
