I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
