i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
