I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
