I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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