I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
