Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
