HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
