Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize