I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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