i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
