He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
