i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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