Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
