great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
