if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
