would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize