I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
