Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
