How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
