if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
