sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
