I am puke
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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