If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
