I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
