I checked into jail on foursquare
i dont even know how to be here
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
