I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
