Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
