i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
