sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
