The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
