i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
