I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
