how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
