Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
