Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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