Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize