If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
