everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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