how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
