youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
