I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
