I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
