I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
