OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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