shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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