Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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