Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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