I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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