Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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