I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
