Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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