trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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