Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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