I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
