Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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