I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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