i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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