one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
