I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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