dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
