I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
