I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
