omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
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