i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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