The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
