I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
