: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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