It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize