yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
did i just pee glitter
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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