i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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