His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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