idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
