Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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