keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
